Walking through parts of life

[Georgina]

I sat in a church yesterday morning attending my friend’s brother’s funeral. He took his own life last weekend. His family was in so much pain of mixed guilt and grieving it was palpable. The church was full; he and his family are well surrounded with friends and community.

I was sitting at the back of the church with another friend saving a place for yet one more friend who was late arriving. That’s why we sat at the back so his late arrival wouldn’t be noticed or interrupt anything. My friend was late to the funeral because he had a radiation treatment to attend prior. Next week he’ll be in an eight-hour surgery to remove a large malignant growth that’s threatening his life. He’s going to lose a large portion of his body in the process. We’re all pretty frightened for him, however the prognosis is excellent.

So I sat waiting with one friend who’s more than a little scared while supporting her husband in his fight for his life, while we witnessed another friend grieving a brother for whom fighting to hold onto life was too much. The two men are the same age.

This isn’t a, “Oh my – so many difficult things are going on in my life” post, because truly, this isn’t about me at all. I just wanted to say that the situation gave me pause to contemplate the frailty of it all. Maybe that’s trite. And to give air to witnessing two extraordinary life struggles simultaneously.

And sometimes all you can do is stand there and hold in your arms the people who are walking through the parts of life that are least explicable and most painful.

[Calluna]

That's a lot to digest all at once.

It gives pause to think that someone who had so many people who cared about him would still feel in such despair about something that he'd take his own life. And, at the same time, to be witnessing someone else going through a horrible experience who is hanging on for dear life. You're right, sometimes the only thing you can do is try to be there for those who are in pain and hope that by sharing it, it somehow makes it all a little easier for them.

[Georgina]

I don't know that some mental states can be overcome even with support. I know his family really tried. His parents are in their 80s and felt so very guilty. His mom kept saying, "We did everything we could". Poor woman. I think that, sometimes, things just get so dark for people, and it only takes a moment to make an unalterable decision. And maybe, just maybe, if they'd held on past that moment, it wouldn't have happened. I really don't know, though.

So all I can do is be there for his sister, my friend. Whatever "being there" means, I suppose. And my other friends -- because this is so very difficult for both of them -- again, the best I've got is being here. They're pulling together a tremendous amount of courage.

[MacBeth]

There is a part of every parent who, even when all logic dictates it cannot be, believes that they can somehow make everything all right for their children if they just try hard enough, love them more....I have struggled with that myself.

[Georgina]

I well understand that feeling.