Brenda

[Georgina]

Somewhere around 1995 -- 98, more and more "average folks" were acquiring home computers because Windows technology made it easier for less skilled people to participate on the World Wide Web. And chat software like ICQ was really beginning to take hold, and IRC groups sprung up like mould clusters in a really moist, dark, undisturbed environment.

My own involvement with other people online was growing at that time too -- my previous interactions with my computer mostly having been single-person offline games, and learning software applications, work applications and largely using the Internet for research. As I first ventured into communicating with anonymous people I couldn't see or hear, this story formed in my mind.

At this point in history, this story is not a novel idea, I suppose, but at the time, everyone was groping about with the concepts and its potential. It's still rough. I got it to a point of "finished-ness" that was within my scope of ability at that time. I recently dug it up and thought it might be fun to share. Please forgive the sometimes flaccid cliches. If I were to rework this story, at this point, I'd pick them out like so many lint balls on laundry and replace them with fresh images. I won't for reasons interesting to me but too boring to share.

At any rate, the story amused me when I wrote it, and it amused me when I recently re-read it. It's a bit longish, but I hope someone enjoys it.

[Georgina]

She lit the candles, straightened the tablecloth, primped her hair and smoothed down her dress. Yes, everything was ready. The scent of dinner in the oven wafted over to Brenda and mingled with her perfume in a way that was not unpleasant to her. Any moment now he would arrive. Masterchatter. That was his nick on the Web. He had told her his real name was Brad. And now Brad a.k.a. Masterchatter was due at her door any moment. Languidly, she smoothed her dress again.

Oh yes. That computer turned out to be worth its weight in gold. She remembered the day she decided to buy a computer. Brenda watched t.v., you see. Had for about 15 years now. Ever since her mom and dad had gone away in that horrible mishap. Brenda was certain they would be back one day. Why else would they have set up that lovely trust fund for her if not for her to wait until they came back home to care for her. Their home. Paid for by the insurance. Clear title. Wouldn’t mom and dad be pleased. And all of those other things taken care of by Marvin. That man from the Public Trustee’s office who made sure that Brenda had spending bits and the lights stayed on. Marvin had been a little peeved the day she had said she wanted about $3,000.00 for the new computer. But then he had mumbled something about her life to do with what she pleased. And so, Brenda had been watching about computers on the t.v. (Marvin had been peeved about the big screen too, but how could she do otherwise?) and decided she too would join the millions “surfing the net”.

The day she saw the ad to phone in and the company would deliver the computer to her home, she simply had to take advantage of the convenient opportunity. She just never bought anything that couldn’t be phoned for and delivered and that included her groceries. And just as the man on the phone had said the computer arrived in about seven days. Lovely it was. All square and plastic with its very own little t.v. screen. She had watched a show on t.v. that had shown the simplicity of “setting up your own system” and was now glad that she had taken notes. The instructions were clear enough and soon Brenda had her computer running.

Brenda moved over to the mirror. Thank goodness the computer had come and she was able to take the blankets away from her mirrors. She had decided about 11 years ago to cover the mirrors up. Every time she looked in the mirrors she heard the taunts of the school children. “Fatty, fatty two by four” they used to sing. Her mother said “no not fat, just plump, pleasing. You’ll see. Men prefer women with a little something to grab on to instead of just bones. You’ll know when you are older”. Nevertheless, when she looked at her 5’2”, 240lb body in the mirror she couldn’t help but feel those children’s eyes staring back at her. And her hair. Brenda’s crowning glory that other kids called “Brillo head”. “Mean is all they are,” her father used to say “just jealous of my girl”. Yet when she tried to run her fingers through her hair she was afraid the kids were right. Now, her eyes were another matter. It was simply not her fault that she could not see without the super-thick lenses. “They accent your eyes nicely,” her mother had said. Brenda wanted to believe her mother about that one. And so, one day about four years after her parents went away for a while, Brenda decided to cover the mirrors. At least that way the children’s voices were muffled. Brenda also found that when she turned on the t.v. loud enough, she couldn’t hear them at all.

But then, and miraculously, the computer came. At first she wasn’t sure where to “surf” exactly. She wandered aimlessly from site to site, gleaning all sorts of information. She learned all about the early warning signs of all sorts of communicable diseases, found out what books were “hot” and which ones not, she spent hours viewing “cool stuff” and “The Worst of the Web”, she had even visited at least one of each of the “top 100 sites”. But it all came together the day that she found chat rooms. People from around the world just like her, sitting at their computers, talking away to each other. They were sharing ideas, talking about favourite t.v. shows and movies. They were even flirting. That was also the day she became Classylady. Best of all, they spoke to her. “Hi.” They said. “How are you today? Where are you from? Are you male or female?” “Laugh out loud (lol)”, they said, and “be right back (brb)”. They didn’t mention her Brillo-head or her height to weight ratio, no they just talked to her. And she talked to them.

Classylady> i went for a lovely walk today
Surfurdude> really? snowed here today…..yuck
Windy> do you have a dog to walk Classy?
Classylady> why yes, a lovely german shepherd
Surfurdude> shepherds rule!
out2win> no way man, dobermans all the way
Windy> whats your dogs name classy?
Classylady> mama named him Shep has been with the family for years
Windy> lol good name for a shepherd

And on.

The next day she had decided that walking Shep was probably a good idea. Brenda was glad that Windy had mentioned it. Brenda had had Shep for nearly 20 years and had not once thought to walk him. So, Brenda went searching and found some cord in the basement, went to her bedroom, took Shep off of her bed and tied the cord around his neck. Shep bounced down the stairs behind her and waited patiently as Brenda put on her coat and galoshes. As a last minute detail she tucked in some stuffing that was coming loose from Shep’s leg. Brenda mused how Shep might need antibiotics from the vet for that wound on his leg. Finally, Brenda did what she had not for 7 years. She left the house. With Shep in tow.

[Georgina]

Brenda wondered what was keeping Brad. Well, she thought, it isn’t even 8:00 yet. He had said he would arrive at 8:00 and she was sure that Brad would always be precisely punctual. Brenda remembered the day she had first met Brad. out2win had told her about local chat rooms for different cities and how she should “check out” a local one. Maybe even meet someone in her own neighbourhood. Taking out2win’s advice she had done just that.

Masterchatter>yep Senators sure did their stuff
Kingslayer> always room for improvement though
dalder> i want them all to die
conniesmum> alder why don’t you just shut up
Classylady> masterchatter, are you guys talking politics?
Kingslayer> lol yea thats it politics
Masterchatter> no Classy, hockey……do you like hockey?
dalder> bite me
Classylady> alder, you aren’t very polite…..i don’t really watch hockey Master
Masterchatter> you heard the lady dalder shut up or get booted……call me MC Classy
conniesmum> brb
Kingslayer> hey connie bring me a beer too will ya
Classylady> how chivalrous of you MC……do you really live in Ottawa?
Masterchatter> yes i do….u?
conniesmum> back
dalder> this is the Ottawa chat room duhhhhhhh
Masterchatter> thats it dalder…..you’re booted

And on.

Brenda relived that night for days. He had stood up for her, booted that nasty person right out of that room. And he lived in the same city as her. As she took Shep for his walk each day (she really must get him to the vet) she saw him in her mind. He was very special.

Classylady> hey MC…….haven’t seen you for a few days
Masterchatter> hey Classy…….i work some evenings….nice to see you again
Classylady> want to talk hockey?
dixie> hey anyone see where i put my lighter?
Masterchatter> lol…..no not hockey…..you said you didn’t like it
Doggydog> sure dixie….right over here 
Classylady> how nice of you to remember MC
dixie> thanks doggy have been looking for it all night lol
Masterchatter> call me Brad Classy
Classylady> nice to meet you Brad…..you can call me Brenda
Doggydog> ooooooo mushy stuff dixie
Masterchatter> Brenda, give me your ICQ so we can talk in private
Kingslayer> hey MC, how hangin?
Classylady> 4556376
cardshark> hi all….anyone wanna chat?
Masterchatter> not now King, busy….i’ll set one up Brenda
Classylady> k

Masterchatter> this is much better
Classylady> you are right
Masterchatter> so……i work for Bell Canada….u?
Classylady> that sounds interesting….Marvin calls me a woman of means
Masterchatter> o…ic….is Marvin your hubby?
Classylady> no….lol….he is my uncle….he dotes on me
Masterchatter> glad to hear he is not your hubby…..are u married?
Classylady> no….u?
Masterchatter> nope…been saving up…..so what do you look like?

And on.

Brenda checked on the roast in the oven, skewered the golden brown potatoes and felt quite satisfied with herself. On top of her good looks, raven coloured hair and well-trained dog, Brad would surely be impressed with her cooking ability.

The day after their first private chat, Brenda decided to peek behind the blanket that covered the bathroom mirror. There were no taunts, no vicious songs, just her svelte body and lustrous hair. The day after that, Brenda decided to call. “Uncle Marvin, how nice to talk to you. Listen, I’ll need some spending bits.” Perplexed Marvin said he would be by that afternoon with some money for her. “No thank you,” she said “I think I’ll try out that instantbank card you got for me. I just need to know how to use it.”

At the beauty salon she had her hair dyed a shade of autumn red much to the protest of the stylist who made some overtures about hair texture and skin tone. In the clothing store Brenda inquired as to the location of the size 6s. “Uh,” replied the clerk behind a grin “we don’t normally let dogs in the store.” “Oh Shep won’t do any harm. He is professionally trained you know.” “Okay, size 6s at the beginning of the racks. Are you looking for a gift?” “Oh no,” replied Brenda “I have been this girlish size for years.” “Well,” said the store clerk, her grin becoming a smirk, “would you like to try something on?” The only problem with today’s fashions was the poor workmanship. Notwithstanding the zipper that wouldn’t go up Brenda decided she could simply replace it with a much better zipper at home.

Masterchatter> Brenda…..you there
Classylady> yes Brad…..nice to see you today
Masterchatter> yea…..nice to see you
Classylady> i went on and on about myself the other night…tell me what you look like
Masterchatter> well, am about 6’2”, blue/grey eyes, curly dark hair
Classylady> how old are you……if you don’t think that is too forward of me
Masterchatter> lol….yes….now i am offended……i am 36
Classylady> how lovely….. i have an idea…..would you like to come for dinner?

8:02 and the doorbell rang. Brenda could hardly contain herself. She forced herself to take a deep breath and walk sedately to the door. Upon opening the door she discovered that the person had the wrong house. “Brenda?” This couldn’t be. This man was 5’4” with a pregnant-type tummy. Besides, he was about 50 years old and virtually no hair.

Brad was stunned. He was sure that Brenda would be disappointed at first, he didn’t exactly live up to his publicity, but he was sure that he could win her over with his charm. He was even prepared for Brenda not to be exactly 110lbs with violet eyes. But this apparition before him was more than he was prepared to accept. The stuffed toy dog tied to the tree in front of the house should have been his first clue. This woman had screaming red hair that pointed in all directions. She was clad in a jersey dress that couldn’t possibly be zipped up in the back let alone stand the strain at the seams for too much longer. To top it all off, her face was entirely squished into one large squint as her face loomed closer to him. He suspected that she needed glasses. Then she began to screech.

“Brad? How could you? You lied to me. I poured my heart out to you and invited you to my home and this is how you repay me? I can’t believe you would be so deceptive. You horrible cruel troll. Now get off of my porch before I send Shep after you.” And with that Brenda slammed the door.

She stumbled into the dining room and blew out the candles. Of all of the awful things. Horrible small man. She groped along the kitchen counter for her glasses. Honestly, did he think she wouldn’t find out? Did he not think she would like him just for him? She marched over to the oven and turned it off. Just how petty did he think she was anyway?

The seams of her dress finally split as Brenda sat down in front of her computer

[Georgina]

The End.

[Pax]

Georgina -- I enjoyed your story!

It brings back memories. You probably already know this about me, but "online relationships" really helped a lot to get me out of my shell. I'm still actually just a bit shy, but it would be accurate through my twenties to have called me painfully, even pathologically, so. Not great self-esteem.

I discovered though that online I could really contribute to a community. People were glad I was there, found me interesting, funny, etc. I had never had that in real life. I do now, to a large extent. But at the time it was a real morale/self-esteem boost.

I even did the rounds of cybersex for a couple of years, which at the time was incredibly fun until it got... repetitive. I really enjoyed those "interactive stories" or "joint creative exercises" while my interest was high.

And of course there were the flirtations that threatened to drift into real life as well, some of which were genuine and welcomed... some of which, as with the situation in your story, were not.

It's intriguing the richness of experience that life offers when one is open to it.

[Georgina]

Thanks for reading it, Pax, and taking the time to comment. It was an interesting proposition at that time, in my mind, to think that one could encounter a complete and total loony toon online and have no clue that the person was so entirely unbalanced because of how much information is missing online. So it was amusing to write an over-the-top unbalanced person.

Brenda is, of course, delusional. She has no grasp of reality whatsoever. I had fun coming up with her translating the life she imagined for herself online (such as having a dog) into her day-to-day life (treating a stuffed animal as if it were real). She is, obviously, so extreme she's virtually a caricature. I tried to unfurl her character delicately, writing from her perspective, so as to hint at problems with her rather coming flat out and saying them. I hope that worked.

Brad is more along the lines of what more people actually do online simply because they can "improve" upon themselves in small ways, such as being taller than they actually are, because it makes them feel good about themselves.

I was aiming for almost a "twist" or a slight surprise ending, because while both of them were lying about themselves, Brenda occupied a whole other stratosphere of out-there. So it made me laugh to have her be entirely put-out with Brad without becoming the least bit aware that she was way, way worse. I was hoping it would come off as mildly amusing.

And, I guess, in some ways, it was a bit of a cautionary tale.

Anyhow, thanks again, Pax.