Post by MacBeth on Jan 28, 2009 12:29:55 GMT -5
Who else would you add to this list?
Last night, I bet my wife she couldn't recite all the lyrics to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." You do things like that when you have kids and don't go out anymore. I lost the bet, so I was forced to watch VH1's "Rock of Love Bus With Bret Michaels." Not sure what's worse: realizing I have a wife who can recite Poison lyrics verbatim or watching an hour of Bret Michaels.
It's hard for musicians to stay on top. Scratch that. It's impossible for musicians to stay on top. We live in a world of fads, passing fancies, and ever-changing moods. So it's understandable that some artists do whatever it takes to stretch their 15 minutes to 30. It's a long ride coming down, and no one wants to hit bottom. Can you blame them for getting a little desperate as the fall begins? So if that means they have to trade in a few integrity chips at the table, c'est la vie.
You were once a Top 10 pop star, and now you're the host of a tabloid TV show? So what? At least everyone still knows your name, Mark McGrath. You were once at the forefront of rap's new wave, and now you're making mashed potatoes with Martha Stewart? At least you're still the leader of the Dogg pound, right, Snoop? You're now spending nights writing a music blog? Uh... let's move on.
Everyone's gotta make a buck, and I'm not begrudging anyone the right to do so. Still, these folks have jumped the shark. It's that sad show business tale dating back to the days of '70s olde, when TV's Fonzie traded in his motorcycle for a pair of water skis. He not only jumped over some sharks, but he also dragged "Happy Days" down into the critical gutter. What was once a beloved show became a joke (even though it stayed at the top of the ratings for a while longer). To this day, the shark-jumping episode lives in infamy and serves as shorthand for those moments when all cred is lost.
Here are five musicians who have jumped the shark in their music careers and the precise moment when it happened. These folks' credibility is gone forever, as they've become the captains of their own cheesy industries. They are not musicians anymore; their purpose is now to keep their brand alive by any means necessary. But name recognition doesn't mean much when fans no longer look to you for inspiration.
ELTON JOHN
Moment jumped: Hair replacement surgery in 1990.
In the '70s Elton was a drug-fueled, balding, angry piano man. And he made some great music because of it. Then in 1990 he hit the wall. He cleaned up his act, battled his addictions, and got a hair transplant. Now he looks like a piano-playing Al Franken. But "The Red Piano," his Vegas show, was the moment when it went irretrievably bad. Bye-bye, Elton. I'll see you in my Captain Fantastic dreams.
JOHN MAYER
Moment jumped: Becoming starlet groupie in 2002.
Yes, the dude can play the blues. Yes, he knows how to seek out and hang with all of the right musical legends. Still, once he jumped on the celebrity dating train (Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston), he became more of a TMZ poster boy than a guitar hero.
ROD STEWART
Moment jumped: Releasing "It Had to Be You: The Great American Songbook" in 2002.
I'm being charitable here. Most would agree that Rod jumped the shark once the '80s came around. (Anyone remember 1983's "Body Wishes"?) Still, for fans clinging to hopes of a great Faces turnaround, those dreams were dashed forever when Rod the Mod reinvented himself as a third-rate Frank Sinatra, crooning standards for any hockey mom willing to listen.
SNOOP DOGG
Moment jumped: Appearing as Huggy Bear in 2004's "Starsky & Hutch" remake.
Snoop is in the business of being Snoop. That would be cool if Snoop was still any good. From obvious '70s and '80s pop culture references to obvious oddball pairings designed to make us say, "Oh, look at the gangsta guy doing the thing a gangsta guy would never do, like sing a country song or sing Bollywood. He's so crazy, that Snoop." It's all too predictable. Snoop is just connecting the dots, jumping one shark after another.
CHRIS CORNELL
Moment jumped: Forming Audioslave in 2001.
In the history of arranged musical marriages, Audioslave is the worst. The headiness of the former Rage Against the Machine members mixed with the hedonism of Cornell was not inspired. The union felt like a desperate move by a quickly aging post-grunge dude not wanting to fade away. Two solo albums and a James Bond film theme song aren't changing my mind. When you do the Bond theme song, you're not far from "Where are they now?" status.
GENE SIMMONS
Appearing without makeup in 1983. Admittedly, this is a tough call, because Simmons has made a career out of jumping the shark. "Integrity" is not a word that comes to mind when you think of KISS, while Simmons' career has been about taking shilling to new heights. Still, even for a bottom-feeder, ditching the one thing that anyone cares about — the makeup — for '83's "Lick It Up" album was an unforgivable act of desperation that no amount of "Apprentice" appearances or KISS coffins can restore.
AEROSMITH
Recording "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" in 1998. Personally, I'd argue that Aerosmith jumped the shark the minute they cleaned up their act in 1986. I love to see guys kick bad habits, but it doesn't always make for the best music. The final nail in the Aerosmith coffin, though, has to be their insipid power ballad from the film "Armageddon." It was cowritten with cheesy songstress Diane Warren, who's written hits for Michael Bolton, Milli Vanilli, and Celine Dion. The Toxic Twins wouldn't have let her carry their beer bongs in the '70s. It's a long way from "Dream On" to this Disney schlock.
MARK MCGRATH
Cohosting TV's "Extra" in 2004. Does anyone even remember that McGrath was in a band? Granted, if your band is Sugar Ray, then you know you'll probably need a Plan B. Still, it was a pretty big shark to jump, and McGrath jumped it for four years until he left the tabloid show in 2008 to focus on his music career. Good luck with that.
BRET MICHAELS
Hosting "Rock of Love Bus With Bret Michaels." I know what you're thinking: how can a singer from a band called Poison jump the shark? It's like that whole "tree falling in the woods" question. It's a major existential musical dilemma. My only response is that you never know when you've truly reached the bottom.
ELVIS COSTELLO
Being eaten by a bear in 2008's "A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All!" I'll admit that I've had a hard time hanging with the former Mr. MacManus over the past few years. One minute he's a classical musician, the next he's a talk show host. Costello wants to be all things to all people. It doesn't work for politicians, and it doesn't work for musicians. Then I witnessed him singing "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding?" in a bear suit, and I knew my Costello ship had sailed for good. Sure, Colbert has the hipster Comedy Central demo down, but someone needs to draw the line.
www.getback.com/gallery/musicians-who-have-jumped-the-shark/2986403/3
Last night, I bet my wife she couldn't recite all the lyrics to "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." You do things like that when you have kids and don't go out anymore. I lost the bet, so I was forced to watch VH1's "Rock of Love Bus With Bret Michaels." Not sure what's worse: realizing I have a wife who can recite Poison lyrics verbatim or watching an hour of Bret Michaels.
It's hard for musicians to stay on top. Scratch that. It's impossible for musicians to stay on top. We live in a world of fads, passing fancies, and ever-changing moods. So it's understandable that some artists do whatever it takes to stretch their 15 minutes to 30. It's a long ride coming down, and no one wants to hit bottom. Can you blame them for getting a little desperate as the fall begins? So if that means they have to trade in a few integrity chips at the table, c'est la vie.
You were once a Top 10 pop star, and now you're the host of a tabloid TV show? So what? At least everyone still knows your name, Mark McGrath. You were once at the forefront of rap's new wave, and now you're making mashed potatoes with Martha Stewart? At least you're still the leader of the Dogg pound, right, Snoop? You're now spending nights writing a music blog? Uh... let's move on.
Everyone's gotta make a buck, and I'm not begrudging anyone the right to do so. Still, these folks have jumped the shark. It's that sad show business tale dating back to the days of '70s olde, when TV's Fonzie traded in his motorcycle for a pair of water skis. He not only jumped over some sharks, but he also dragged "Happy Days" down into the critical gutter. What was once a beloved show became a joke (even though it stayed at the top of the ratings for a while longer). To this day, the shark-jumping episode lives in infamy and serves as shorthand for those moments when all cred is lost.
Here are five musicians who have jumped the shark in their music careers and the precise moment when it happened. These folks' credibility is gone forever, as they've become the captains of their own cheesy industries. They are not musicians anymore; their purpose is now to keep their brand alive by any means necessary. But name recognition doesn't mean much when fans no longer look to you for inspiration.
ELTON JOHN
Moment jumped: Hair replacement surgery in 1990.
In the '70s Elton was a drug-fueled, balding, angry piano man. And he made some great music because of it. Then in 1990 he hit the wall. He cleaned up his act, battled his addictions, and got a hair transplant. Now he looks like a piano-playing Al Franken. But "The Red Piano," his Vegas show, was the moment when it went irretrievably bad. Bye-bye, Elton. I'll see you in my Captain Fantastic dreams.
JOHN MAYER
Moment jumped: Becoming starlet groupie in 2002.
Yes, the dude can play the blues. Yes, he knows how to seek out and hang with all of the right musical legends. Still, once he jumped on the celebrity dating train (Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston), he became more of a TMZ poster boy than a guitar hero.
ROD STEWART
Moment jumped: Releasing "It Had to Be You: The Great American Songbook" in 2002.
I'm being charitable here. Most would agree that Rod jumped the shark once the '80s came around. (Anyone remember 1983's "Body Wishes"?) Still, for fans clinging to hopes of a great Faces turnaround, those dreams were dashed forever when Rod the Mod reinvented himself as a third-rate Frank Sinatra, crooning standards for any hockey mom willing to listen.
SNOOP DOGG
Moment jumped: Appearing as Huggy Bear in 2004's "Starsky & Hutch" remake.
Snoop is in the business of being Snoop. That would be cool if Snoop was still any good. From obvious '70s and '80s pop culture references to obvious oddball pairings designed to make us say, "Oh, look at the gangsta guy doing the thing a gangsta guy would never do, like sing a country song or sing Bollywood. He's so crazy, that Snoop." It's all too predictable. Snoop is just connecting the dots, jumping one shark after another.
CHRIS CORNELL
Moment jumped: Forming Audioslave in 2001.
In the history of arranged musical marriages, Audioslave is the worst. The headiness of the former Rage Against the Machine members mixed with the hedonism of Cornell was not inspired. The union felt like a desperate move by a quickly aging post-grunge dude not wanting to fade away. Two solo albums and a James Bond film theme song aren't changing my mind. When you do the Bond theme song, you're not far from "Where are they now?" status.
GENE SIMMONS
Appearing without makeup in 1983. Admittedly, this is a tough call, because Simmons has made a career out of jumping the shark. "Integrity" is not a word that comes to mind when you think of KISS, while Simmons' career has been about taking shilling to new heights. Still, even for a bottom-feeder, ditching the one thing that anyone cares about — the makeup — for '83's "Lick It Up" album was an unforgivable act of desperation that no amount of "Apprentice" appearances or KISS coffins can restore.
AEROSMITH
Recording "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" in 1998. Personally, I'd argue that Aerosmith jumped the shark the minute they cleaned up their act in 1986. I love to see guys kick bad habits, but it doesn't always make for the best music. The final nail in the Aerosmith coffin, though, has to be their insipid power ballad from the film "Armageddon." It was cowritten with cheesy songstress Diane Warren, who's written hits for Michael Bolton, Milli Vanilli, and Celine Dion. The Toxic Twins wouldn't have let her carry their beer bongs in the '70s. It's a long way from "Dream On" to this Disney schlock.
MARK MCGRATH
Cohosting TV's "Extra" in 2004. Does anyone even remember that McGrath was in a band? Granted, if your band is Sugar Ray, then you know you'll probably need a Plan B. Still, it was a pretty big shark to jump, and McGrath jumped it for four years until he left the tabloid show in 2008 to focus on his music career. Good luck with that.
BRET MICHAELS
Hosting "Rock of Love Bus With Bret Michaels." I know what you're thinking: how can a singer from a band called Poison jump the shark? It's like that whole "tree falling in the woods" question. It's a major existential musical dilemma. My only response is that you never know when you've truly reached the bottom.
ELVIS COSTELLO
Being eaten by a bear in 2008's "A Colbert Christmas: The Greatest Gift Of All!" I'll admit that I've had a hard time hanging with the former Mr. MacManus over the past few years. One minute he's a classical musician, the next he's a talk show host. Costello wants to be all things to all people. It doesn't work for politicians, and it doesn't work for musicians. Then I witnessed him singing "(What's So Funny 'Bout) Peace, Love and Understanding?" in a bear suit, and I knew my Costello ship had sailed for good. Sure, Colbert has the hipster Comedy Central demo down, but someone needs to draw the line.
www.getback.com/gallery/musicians-who-have-jumped-the-shark/2986403/3
